Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Final Lap

I never believed I would be in this place. 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant. So very, very close to meeting my Adam. Like most people in a transition stage, I'm heart stoppingly excited to close this out and wrap this up, but also so very mindful of where I've come from, where I've been. The struggle, the heartbreak to get to this point has made me so very, very thankful for each day.

Many of the people I started out with got pregnant long before I did. Others lost babies. And others are still in the fight. There is no equitable treatment here it seems. Many times I have started to post and stopped because my joy must come across like sandpaper for many. I remember so clearly how difficult it was to celebrate and feel joy for others who succeeded while I stayed where I was, sometimes treading water, sometimes sinking under, but never making it to shore.

Who knows why or how this worked. For all the science, this is still mystery. We've learned a lot, but only a speck when you consider what we don't know. My greatest hope is that five, ten year from now, infertile couples will have more chances, more hope, and greater access. We were very fortunate to be in a place to afford the many treatments. Many can't, I know.

So I will say it. I have loved every minute of this pregnancy. Feeling him move, watching my belly undulate brought me tears and laughter and wonder and a secret kinship with my little Alien. I have been blown away by the wonder of all this and sucker punched with love, truly overwhelming love, toward a little human I haven't ever seen except in grainy ultrasound pictures. Could he really be mine? It has changed...everything. I am just awed. Awed.

I'm so very close. According to the doc, nothing's happening yet, which is good. I have an amazing amount to get done in a short period of time.

Almost there.


Birdee said...

We are both so close, and I look for new posts from you all the time. I'm soo glad I didn’t miss your delivery, I think about you all the time and hope you let us know the upcoming changes that WILL take place.
I've got 8 days (holy cow) and I'm still just cherishing every second of this.

'Murgdan' said... close. Good for you. It's a wonderful thing.

S said...

I'm so happy for you! He will be here before you know it. I had those same feelings when I was finally pregnant with a pregnancy that stuck. I hope the same as you, maybe one day everyone that wants to have a sweet baby will be given that chance!

Enjoy him...he'll be big before you can blink you eyes!!

Shinejil said...


Good luck with the to-do list, and hope that the next few weeks are easy and worry-free.

Rebeccah said...

I'm so very very happy for you! Will be stalking your blog in the next few weeks : )

loribeth said...

I'm looking forward to hearing that he's safely here!! (((hugs)))