The dog ate my homework.

At the risk of jinxing any credit I've got built up with the Gods of Fertility, I must be frank: I'm not sure I'm buying this acupuncture stuff. My Monday visit, well, I didn't like it. It started off ok. Relaxing on the heated massage table. Fluffy robe. Soft lights. Pleasant conversation. (Sounds like a great first date.) First needle...between the big toe and innocent second toe. That thin, webby expanse of tender skin...pierced by a lance. @#$%^!, how is it possible a needle the circumference of an eyelash can hurt so damn much? My hsg trigger shot was like the Easter bunny compared to this. And it kept getting worse. The needle to the abdomen drew blood. Drew blood! I have a sharps container full of syringes pierced directly to my abdomen with nary a drop of blood and this. This! I had needles between my toes, in my ears, the top of my head and my abdomen. I felt like a cat suspended over tub of water. With a hair dryer.

And, well, I'm nervous. Tomorrow is my lining check. I've been on Lupron, estrogen pills and an estrogen patch for two weeks and tomorrow is my first visit with my RE. I need to make a real confession. I have not been a model infertile. I've been sloppy with my instructions. Detail-oriented? Not really. Disciplined? Ahh, no. I would not hire me.

• I did not increase my estrogen as instructed on cycle day 6, but waited until CD 7. It was not my fault. The instructions were unclear.
• I believe I was to have stopped my Lupron today. I can't be held responsible though because the coffee stain on my instructions blurred the wording.
• Yes, I am drinking coffee.
• I did not decrease my estrogen as instructed today because...the dog ate my instructions.
• My estrogen patch was changed more frequently than instructed because the salt water kind of corroded it.
• There were times when I did not give myself the Lupron shot within an hour of the time I took it the day before. Again, not my fault, there was a time change coming back from the beach.

Accountable? Me? I guess not.

I'm fearful that tomorrow at my appointment or promptly thereafter, I will be fired. Or held back a grade.

I believe I need a drink.

And a smoke.

Behind the gym.