Wednesday, October 29, 2008

And a comma.

In another ironic twist, I've been prescribed Provera to bring on my period. Silly, naif that I am, I had always assumed that the lack of a period in the baby-making process was a good thing. In this case, not so, not so. So I await my period. No "spontaneous" pregnancy for me. (How she did laugh when she realized that a "spontaneous" pregnancy in my case means one achieved without a doctor, an embryologist, a nurse and a catheter.) Even more hilarity ensued when I realized that, if all goes according to plan, my 2ww will fall during Christmas. (Or given my last marathon stim session, I'll be transferring during Midnight mass.) Fa la la la la la.

I'm ready to get this show on the road. In the last year, I've had two fresh cycles and one frozen. I never, never, in my wildest dreams expected to be getting ready to go forward with #3 (or #4 depending on how you look at it.) Other than my age, there are no significant issues that should preclude this from working. I don't get it. But slowly, I'm beginning to realize that I'm not supposed to get it or control it or force it into being, I just can do everything I can and accept the outcome. I'm working on it.

The last couple of weeks have very much driven home how little control we have. This economy is throwing many lives into disarray. Those who were secure in their livelihoods a year ago are now dangling in uncertainty. It's affecting our family and our friends. Ourselves. It's tough to get upset about losing money in the stock market when others have lost their jobs. Selfishly, it's a good lesson for a girl who many times in the last year has thrown up her hands and said "why me. Why pick on me??"

So, enough for this disjointed post. I blame it on the hormones. (Personal responsibility only goes so far!)


Shinejil said...

That acceptance of a complete lack of control has been the biggest, hardest lesson all this crap has taught me. We just do what we can and that's all we can do.

I hope AF shows up... I know the joys of planning a needle-filled holiday. Blech.

Io said...

God, I hope I'm not in control. That would speak to some serious self-sabotage issues.
I hope AF shows up soon.

Sweet Georgia said...

I'm a bit of a control freak so I can understand how tough it is to let go of things. I think you've got the right idea of just doing the best you can to be ready and then accepting the outcome.

Evil Stepmonster said...

Why is that our bodies refuse to co-operate in even the simplest of ways? I hope af arrives soon.