Winter, Schwinter

I was going to post a picture of the asstastic amounts of snow and ice peppering the area, but decided against it. Too lazy and too tired of this winterwonderland crap. I have every reason to be making snow angels and guzzling hot chocolate, sans Baileys, but alas. (Call me ungrateful, we didn't even lose power like so many others.) The winter blues have kicked me in my widely expanding ass. No sun and cold = lack of motivation and the blues. I'm embarrassed to even be typing these words considering the embarrassment of riches I'm experiencing in my abdomen area, please forgive me. (I'm seriously considering ordering those "light therapy" fixtures...maybe enough to turn my office into a grow house.)

Tomorrow is another ultrasound with the RE and then Thursday we meet with the ob-gyn for the first time. I feel fortunate that my RE seems to have no problem with weekly visits with the dildo cam, though I was told that as much as they enjoy having us, they couldn't deliver me. Seems a tad selfish. My bright spot is to see how Little A is doing tomorrow. (Seeing that little thing last week moved me to tears. Did I mention that we saw the blood moving through its umbilical cord? Unreal.) I hope twitching and growing and, well, existing, in a big way. It seems odd to even have an ob appointment and I continue to be afraid of jinxing things. (I find a healthy dose of obsessive-compulsive disorder works nicely with acute seasonal affective disorder.) For example, I won't put up one of those baby widget things because, well, first they creep me out a little bit and two, I'm afraid Little A will hold her/his breath indefinitely until it's removed, sort of like a hunger protest. I'm still thinking of this pregnancy in the abstract I guess. After two and a half years, it doesn't seem real or possible or explainable.

God willing, I'll be 11 weeks on Friday. There will be no belly shots on this blog, so trust me when I tell you I won't be one of "those" women. You know the ones that look hot and svelte and snappy, oh and they're pregnant. No indeed. I appear to be a bit jowly and paunchy already. Couple that with the string of safety pins I need to attach my pants and I'm sure my coworkers are snickering, Damn, Melanie's looking rough. Put down that bagel, girl! I also appear to be losing braincells. Yesterday I left E's keys in the back door overnight, after safely locking said door from the inside first. I also wore his scarf to work. Never noticed. If I show up in one of his suits, I'm going to check myself into a home for wed mothers to be.

Ok, enough. If you've made it this far, you must need light therapy too...come join me in the grow house.