Friday, September 26, 2008

Swing, batter, batter, batter

My three day FSH is....normal. 6. Not high, as I expected. No flashing lights on the test results "Turn back now oh ye of diminishing ovarian reserve." My RE wants to change the protocol to microdose lupron, which he explained was for "poor responders" though he assured me I'm not technically a "poor responder." (Like I'm a tender flower at this point.) He is suggesting that we do another fresh cycle, go to blast and thaw my frozen blast for transfer as well. (Throw 'em all in, each and every one.) Nothing points to the need for donor eggs, according to the RE. In sum, I'm on the shit side of statistics. If I'm up for it, let's try again.

And this is why I love my husband. My husband has a child and a grandchild, both of whom he adores. He has me. And, if I do say so myself, which I will, I'm fun to be with, cute as a button, though a tad on the chubby side lately (IVF drugs and consolatory food and beverage) and financially self sufficient. What's not to love? We have a great life. Why should he complicate his life by adding a bawling, life sucking infant? Because I want one.

We had decided that IVF #2 was the final frontier. That is, until after 11 days of icepicks to my chest and barnacles on my heart, I knew that it couldn't be over yet for me. That I could not live with the "what if I had tried again?" If my FSH had come back high, if my RE had introduced the donor egg discussion or the "I'm just not optimistic that this will work" talk, I could walk away with assurances that I had done everything, but it just wasn't in the cards. So I planned my discussion, readied my arsenal and before I got the words out, my husband said "we'll try again." (And later, "please speak clearly into the microphone that the third time is it.")

So, we live to fight again. It is lovely to have a plan. To have made a decision. I mean, stranger things have happened, right?

16 comments:

Sweet Georgia said...

I'm glad you and your hubby have made a plan together. He sounds like he's very supportive. Hope the 3rd time is the charm.

JJ said...

What an uplifting post=) Supportive hubby's are great! Im wishing you all the best!

debbie said...

FSH 6 is pretty good and your hubby sounds great. Wishing all you the best.

Jewels said...

I hope FSH of 6 is Good, that's about where mine is at.
I'm glad you have a plan and your DH is supportive.

Denise said...

It is so good to see that there is hope in your voice again. Did you get my email?

Evergreen said...

Good job dear husband! He said it before you did, so you know you have his full support. Great FSH!

I found your site from another blog -- hope this 3rd times IT!

Io said...

I hope you have just been on the wrong side of statistics...and that this time you kick statistics ASS. Yeah!
(Yay hubby)

Shinejil said...

Hey, you gotta go with what you feel, and you're right to fear future regrets. That's the very reason I agreed to undergo treatments I wasn't all that wild about.

Three cheers for your hubby, and for you--you appreciate and love what you have, but understand what your heart needs. A rare gift!

KandiB said...

I'm right there with you - 39 in July and just had my first transfer. I can honestly say that I'm glad you're trying once more. Because I want everyone to say that to me, too. Ya know? I'll be reading and hoping/praying good things for you.

Joonie said...

Your husband sounds like a wonderful man. Wishing you all the best!

Evil Stepmonster said...

It is so hard to know when to say "when" isn't it. Hopefully this one last shot will be the one.

Alacrity said...

I think it absolutely reasonable to try again. In the end, you have to feel as though you did all you could. On top of that, it sounds like you continue to have a good chance of success with a third try.

You learn in all of this to never say never, and your decision-making becomes more fluid as the data changes. I always had in mind that three was the number I would do - I thought I was would be done with that 3rd one, but I wasn't. In the end, I had four "last" tries - my 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th. And then I finally did feel like I couldn't do it anymore, and stopped.

Only you can say what is right for you, and even better if your doctor agrees. And, it is marvelous that you and your husband are on the same page in all of this!

TABI said...

So glad you have a plan and can't wait to hear how it goes!! I say keep trying, that FSH is good at 6!!

Denise said...

Hey, Melanie. I'm not sure I have your right email address now as I've sent twice and I don't think you've gotten either email. Can you email me at dbablin at yahoo dot com and I'll reply to you?

nicbeast said...

I love a plan. It helps with my control issues over things I clearly have no control. Here's to hoping you hit a home run out of the park!


*Crossing fingers for you*

milton and lucys said...

i'm glad you decided to try once more. it's hard to stay positive but thats key. we did a fresh cycle#1 and frozen with a doctor that is close to us. for the 3rd try i knew that it might be the last because of cost and also felt like i needed a new atmosphere. we went 4 hours away to try again. he did a lot of things differently. we got the same amount of eggs (10) and 8 fertilized. we transferred 3 none to freeze and 2 implanted!
i think the call for minimal lupron is a good idea. our 2nd doctor did away with it entirely, i just took the pill for 2.5 weeks prior to meds. my husband thinks switching from the progesterone shots to the beaver pills was the key. who knows??!! but one thing i did say on one of may 4 hour road trips to the doctor, if it doesn't work i feel very comfortable here and cared for. our treatment was more personalized and we had experienced nurses willing to answer questions.
most importantly stay positive and pray a lot. tell everyone to pray for you also. god will answer your prayers :)