Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Waterfalls my ass.

This just in: "Kidman credits fertile water with pregnancy" Yes, according to Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman "swimming in Australian Outback waterfalls may promote fertility and might have contributed to her unexpected pregnancy over the past year." Sigh.

I don't subscribe to the notion that everyone, including public figures, must share every aspect of their lives to everyone they come in contact with. In fact, I think we, as a society, are too forthcoming about too many things (reality shows) and too quick to put it all out there (reality shows). I get particularly irritated with the arrogance of "it's my opinion and I'm entitling everyone else to hear about it." As if couching hurtful words in the form of an opinion makes it any less hurtful. But that's another post.

My point is that when you choose to share, you should be honest. Responsible too. Even if you're famous. Especially if you're famous. I don't personally know Jennifer Lopez. I've never met Nicole Kidman. I do know, however, that women of a certain age are exponentially more likely to have issues with fertility. I also feel certain that famous, driven women of a certain age who have also publicly expressed their desire to have children are very likely going to take steps to achieve that desire. Greater steps than, say, water ballet in waterfalls or simply thinking positive thoughts.

When I learned that we had fertility issues, my first thought was "ok, we just do in vitro." Solved that. It never entered my mind that it might not work. It certainly never entered my mind how emotionally wrenching it would become. And if I, a fairly educated and not naive type person, discounted the difficulties I would face as an over-the-age-of-35, trying-to-have-a-child woman, I feel sure many others out there do as well. Exacerbating this are those famous people who "unexpectedly" bear children in their late thirties and early forties, while denying any involvement at all with assisted reproductive technology. Hooey, I say.

I have told very few people in real life that I've had IVF. Not because I'm ashamed but because I'm private, the issue is hugely painful and emotional, and I also don't share info about bikini waxes or how much I've spent on shoes (unless I got a great deal and want to appear thrifty). When I do share my sordid reproductive history with someone in real life, I take care to share it as honestly as possible because the issue deserves so much respect. And maybe it will prevent that sharee from being insensitive to a fellow infertile.

I recognize that not every woman in her late thirties and forties must use ART to get pregnant. The overwhelming majority do though, and it's insulting to us, said majority, when famous people suggest that they were just blessed, God answered their prayers (not the rest of us heathens), fate shined on them, they were patient and it happened, twins just run in their families, and heavens no we didn't do in vitro.

Oh, and Nicole Kidman's never had plastic surgery either.


luna said...

you said it. my ass too.

Denise said...

That story makes me want to puke. If I were a reporter and Nicole Kidman told me she got pregnant from swimming in waterfalls, I would ask her how it feels to not know who the father of her baby is because there must have been super sperm in the water that somehow magically found her egg.

loribeth said...

This ranks up there with JLo's "twins run in the family." Actually it's worse, because I expected better things from Nicole. :(

Meg said...

Total hooey. I call bullsh*t!
My other fav: "twins run in my family"

Alacrity said...

Wow, that makes me want to hurl!

Or maybe its morning sickness ...I went swimming just last week. NOT!

Io said...

Oh, I saw that and got pissy.
I mean, even if she didn't use IVF, does she need to claim it was in the fricking water? Grrr.

debbie said...

Hi Melanie,

As usual your post is awesome. Hopefully, the retail therapy is also working. I tagged you - see my blog for details.


Shinejil said...

Magic waterfalls! So relaxing!

Anyone who believes that should come check out this awesome bridge I've got for sale...

Kimla Kay said...

Finally, someone writes a post about this! Marcia Cross, Nancy Grace (hello!!), Halle Berry, Nicole, Jennifer, and dare I say Julia, yea, I would bet that they all have had assistance in their baby making. Why can't they just be honest, shine some light on the subject and maybe help someone out in the process? I just discovered your blog this evening. I really dig your spirit and wit. Best wishes to you on the next go-round.