Wednesday, December 17, 2008

My name is Melanie and I am an addict.

I hesitate to even post this for obvious reasons, not the least of which is that I'm killing my IVF street cred. I'm thirteen days from my hcg shot at retrieval (my clinic gives an hcg shot early morning of retrieval in addition to the trigger shot you give yourself), 6dp6dt and my tests are still positive. Not glaringly, line pops up in two seconds, you're carrying a litter positive, but consistently, that's a second line positive. I started testing on Saturday after my Thursday transfer and I never got a negative peestick...one very, very light one on Sunday, but that's it. To top it off, I have no symptoms. None, so I don't even get the secret self chuckle "Ah ha ha, I will proclaim ignorance, but all signs point to pregnant." Seriously though, shouldn't the damn shot be gone by now??

I feel like a messed up a science experience. Worse, I can't stop peeing on those damn sticks. I sneak away from my office, barricade myself in the stall, flip out the evil monster of technology and tiddle away. And each time I get a line. How am I supposed to trust the little bastards until I get a baseline negative, though? I can't. And time's slipping away. The positive from my FET arrived 8dp5dt, which can't be relied upon as a control because I DIDN'T GET A DAMN HCG SHOT. Yet, if I got a real positive under similar circumstances now, EXCEPT FOR THE DAMN TRIGGER SHOT, I need to get a negative in the next 10 minutes and then a huge positive tomorrow morning to be on track. Did I just say "on track." Yes, I did.

My husband's response to all this, "that's why they scheduled the test for next Tuesday so you can test then." Yes, he did.

That's it. Done complaining. Nothing I can do about it.

13 comments:

Dora said...

I think you're pregnant!

Mrs.X said...

The trigger is a bitch. I hope, so hope, that the lines are from your own HCG, not the damn trigger!

Almamay said...

Some advice from one IVF addict to another. You might have to get used to the idea that the trigger shot is gone and this cycle worked. It's a big mental jump, I know because I'ms struggling with accepting good news myself at the moment. A blood test or a phone call to the clinic will put your mind at rest.

Another Julia said...

Yes, Melanie, you are an addict. I personally think you're a pregnant addict, though. Both times I was pg after IVF/ICSI, I had hpt results just like yours. Good luck on Tuesday!

Shinejil said...

I'm with Dora.

Jewels said...

Glad to see I'm not the only POAS addict .... and my name is Julie (((hi julie)))

I've got everything crossed for you - I hope this is it. Cant wait to see what Tuesday brings.

PJ said...

haha! You're testing at work!!!

TMI warning: Well I was overconfident when I started spotting on Sunday thinking it was implantation bleeding, and have continued to spot. But yesterday you could still call it spotting, but it was more than I was comfortable with! Certainly not enough for a pad or anything. I was also mildly crampy. But I'm a little worried that I miscarried. I mean, how much do the little critters have to tunnel through anyway? Could it really take three days? Today I've almost stopped. No nausea yet.

No pee sticks for me, I think I'm waiting for Friday afternoon or Sunday morning. I have to be away from work, I don't know how much I can fake the happy teacher if it's bad.

The wait is the hardest part. It's agonizing!!!

Duck said...

pee sticks and crack cocaine.... very similiar.
thats it.

Sue said...

A common addiction and relatively harmless. If I were a Magic 8 Ball I'd say, "All signs point to yes."

Rebeccah said...

Holding my breath!!!

Almamay said...

Just checking back to see if there is any news....

Thinking of you x

PJ said...

Melanie hun,

I'm checking in on you. I hope you are ok.

Mo and Will said...

Fingers crossed that you're pregnant. am hoping that you'll post an update soon.

Mo