Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Dummy

I. am. a. Dummy. I should have insisted on multiple betas instead of hanging on my initial 675 by the tippy tops of my fingers. Oh and my initial progesterone level of 125. 675. 125. That's all I've got. I should have realized that my mental well being hinges on numbers, levels, counts and data. I should have scheduled that second beta, dammit, instead of wondering, hoping, praying, wishing, believing that there's something inside holding on for all he/she's worth. At the risk of sounding like the very worst of the drama queens, this is the longest two weeks ever.

My problem is that I just don't have a lot of symptoms. Little tinges of nausea, which could be directly related to the 6 chocolate chip cookies I ate in one sitting. Lots of naps, which are most likely because of behavior similar to the aforementioned and because it's the holidays and it's cold and my bed is warm. Not a lot of breast tenderness. E thinks I'm more bountiful in the chestal region, but I would argue my whole acreage is more bountiful because of my less than ladylike eating habits and my bear-like hibernation tactics. A whole lot of not really symptoms. In fact, other than a four day bout of um, well, the opposite of throwing up, I feel pretty darn good.

So, lack of data, numbers, levels and counts + feeling pretty ok = concern that nothing's really cooking where it should be. Hence, I'm a dummy.

18 comments:

WISHING...HOPING...and PRAYING said...

last year i found out i was pregnant on dec 15. i remember at christmas thinking it was doomed b/c i wasn't having symptoms and thus spent most of the holiday depressed instead of happy. sure enough the symptoms kicked into gear and i was happy (and sick) for new years. give it time!!! as long as no cramps/bleeding-i believe things are still great! happy holidays!

Rebeccah said...

I'd been wondering how you could be so strong as to resist the pull of the second beta! Glad to hear that you're behaving like any normal woman would in this situation.

I'm an information HOUND. Give me all the tests, all the numbers, all the data, all the scans ... and then I'll still obsess and worry. For instance, I've been watching for your posts every day even though I know you probably have no further info yet ...

Maybe we're just wired to over-analyze and make ourselves crazy, no matter how much or how little data we have? (And I'm sure the lawyer training only makes this worse!) Keeping all fingers and toes crossed for you!

Sue said...

Even if you had a great second beta, you would still be worrying from beta #2 until your first ultrasound. Your entire pregnancy is going to be like this, so try not to stress out about it too much. I'm wishing you the best of luck with your Christmas miracle!

Mo and Will said...

You're no dummy. Not at all. And you know the lack of symptoms doesn't mean anything, right? (This isn't rational, tho, I know).

Since you're worried, why don't you go in to your Drs office, or if you can't get in there, to an urgent care center and just get a beta drawn. It's no biggy. Easily rectifiable, and it would make you feel better.

I'm an information seeker too.

Mo

Sweet Georgia said...

I don't think you're a dummy. I'd feel exactly the same way as you do in your situation. Hopefully the symptoms will kick in soon (but not too hard!)

Elle Charlie said...

You're not a dummy, how you're feeling makes perfect sense. And I think it's a common enough crossroads: wanting to feel reassured and being afraid to "bug" the doctors. I hope you find some peace (or another beta!) before your Jan 5th ultrasound. Hang in there!

Almamay said...

I'm with Rebeccah. I thought you were being odd nto going for a second beta! Glad to hear you are normal like the rest of us. LOL.

If it is any consolation I have been experimenting over the holidays. The more sleep I get (more than say 9 hours) the less symptoms I have. Yesterday I "only" had 8 hours sleep and had ms for most of the day. That is a first. Also felt like I had a cold. Last night I got 10 hours sleep and I feel well and of course that makes me worry things have gone wrong. Maybe your lack of symptoms is down to your getting lots of sleep. Hope so and keep sleeping.

"Dummy" is the name of a great album by Portishead. Heard of it?

Denise said...

The best of intentions right? Wish I could speed this time up for you!

PJ said...

I say go ahead and get your doctor to give you another beta! Like I told mine, it's just for my peace of mind.

That said, even with the four beta's I've had, I'm incredibly eager for my ultrasound next Tuesday.

My symptoms are very come and go, and I agree with Almamay's hypothesis that rest makes them less apparent as I've been rather slothful these past few week or so.

You're definitely no dummy!

Jewels said...

I dont care what numbers say - I couldnt breath until I saw a h/b (which was about 2 hours ago)though numbers will do in the meantime.
Only 6 more days, (heh - I can say "only" because it's not me)
GL and FX for you.

Duck said...

Hope all is going ok and that you start puking soon (always wishing the best for you!).

Evil Stepmonster said...

I'm sorry your numbers obsession is not being fed. Apart from the "opposite of throwing up" at about the same stage you are, I am only just starting to feel consistent symptoms now at 9 weeks.

Hang in there and try not to worry too much. Happy new year!

Mrs.X said...

I see no dummy. I just see a girl who so deserves this shot at happiness and who like so many of us, can't really believe that she's on the path to get there. I can tell you not to worry, but we both know that's not going to happen. So, I will tell you to have faith in that little one (or ones) and hope for the best - which can happen even if you don't have a single symptom at all.

Mwah!

Phoebe said...

I'm not surprised that you don't have any symptoms yet. They will kick in soon enough. It's still early. Go pee on a stick if it makes you feel better!!

Natika said...

I have been Preg 5 times. I have 2 girls and 1 boy. With the girls I had bad symptoms. With the boy none at all.
Each pregnancy is unique to your body. Be glad you are not bleeding. Relax (easy for me to say).

Lady Bits said...

I had no early pregnancy symptoms, apart from tiredness at the end of the first trimester, and it terrified me. The very best of luck to you. I really want this to work.

Collette said...

Hey there. I just stumbled here clicking on blog rolls and wanted to say congrats on the beta. 675 is a good strong number and a wonderful way to start a new year. January 5th is only a few days away. Stay positive until then!

PJ said...

Melanie,

Just letting you know that I will be thinking about you on Monday, hoping that your ultrasound goes well!!!