Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Inner strength and Fortitude

Mine currently lasts 6 days. Let me explain. I can make it to day 6 after an ultrasound until I start "the process," which always involves a Dr. Google search consisting of [how far along I am], [twins] and [miscarriage]. (Last week I lasted 4 days, but let's discount that pitiful lack of will power while I move on with my story.) Dr. Google then produces 1,345,987,098 hits of women who have had miscarriages on [how far along I am], and grim statistics proving that women who have suffered infertility, who are over the age of 35, who have had a previous miscarriage and who have had blond highlights and split ends since age 16, a tendency to the occasional acerbic comment and a passion for shoes have a miscarriage rate of 79.8% at [how far along I am]. At which point I shut the office door (usually), fondle my breasts for any sign of tenderness and then feeling none, sulk until quittin' time and go home and sulk some more.

It is a sad, sad, sad story. I can completely understand why Tom dropped $50,000 on a sonogram machine for Katie.

Oh, one other factoid. I will be 39 on February 11th. It's actually quite a nice number until you start thinking about how old you are in dog years, analogous to fertility years, which makes me 273 years old.

7 comments:

Bean said...

I'm sorry. No fair that pregnancy has to make some of us so paranoid. I confess I used to think it was odd all the women who wrote about getting their own dopplers -- I haven't done it, but I totally get it now! Wish you hadn't converted to dog years -- I hit 39 back in Oct and now I feel even older!!! ;)

Take care!

Duck said...

sorry this sucks (the worries) hope you feel all pukey and gross soon so you will know that all is well with babies :)

Almamay said...

It's easy to find reasons to look on the dark side, especially after everything you've been through. It's hard to keep moving forward but you have the strength for that and your babies need you to do that.

Shinejil said...

You're awful spry for someone in their 270s!

I hope you have just enough symptoms to make it a week between u/s. Stay away from Dr. Google--his bedside manner is for the dogs.

Linda said...

Please have faith! I turned 43 years old two days after I gave birth to our healthy, happy baby boy! That was after numerous miscarriages and D&C procedures. Keep positive!

Elle Charlie said...

Doubt stinks. But your ultra sounds keep looking awesome, so take some comfort in that! But I'd suggest you stay away from the internet!!! Internet = bad.

Karen said...

OMG I think this was one of the funniest posts I've ever read. And quite similar to my previous pregnancy experience. (pg#1 = m/c; pg#2 = triplets who are now thriving toddlers).