Friday, March 14, 2008

So I lied...

Oh, no, not about my hcg levels taking a swan dive, but about kicking back for a while and not giving thought to next steps. I like the idea of wallowing, but it's not working for me. I need a plan. I'm not demanding a "Colonel Mustard in the library with a candlestick", just a plan. So, my plan is thus:

1. Continue drinking wine.
2. Get my blood drawn on Monday.
3. Meet with my RE to get an idea about what the flip happened.
4. Go to Cornell April 18th for a consult.
5. Drink more wine.

I would love not to leave my clinic. I love the personal attention and care. I love the convenience. But I think I've only got one more cycle in me and if I'm going to do it, I want the greatest likelihood of success. I would love to know if anyone has any experience with Cornell and what your thoughts are. E is convinced that I'm considering New York because of the shoe shopping. Please. That's only half the reason.

But the real reason for this post is to say thank you. I'm okay. Really, I'm okay and I attribute so much of it to you. For lifting me up, crying with me, checking on me, yelling at the world with me and reminding me that I'm not alone. I've been kicked in the ass by circumstance, but so have many of you. I'm pleased to say that it's hard to wallow in the cesspool of self-pity for too long when you realize that we've all had to shovel shit at one time or another. (And that little piece of literary eloquence should get me the Pulitzer.) You've been wonderful. And I've never had to worry that one of you would say something like "my third cousin twice removed got pregnant after 12 in vitro attempts and a hysterectomy, so you just need to relax."

So my plan is to try this again, either here or there, at some point in the next couple or three months. That's good enough for now.


Io said...

Have some more wine. Don't forget to get that massage you said you were going to have. And I think that shoe shopping in New York is the best.

S said...

I love a girl with a plan. Glad to see that you still drinking you wine and hanging in there. I know you will make the right decision about changing offices. Hugs to you! P.S. It still sux!

jp said...

I was clicking around and found your blog. I cycle at Cornell (they are my second clinic). I would be glad to answer any questions you might have-please feel free to email me-

Denise said...

Have an extra glass of wine for me. I hope your turn at the shit shoveling is over soon.

luna said...

I say drinks lots of good wine, and yes the massage too. glad you're thinking ahead.

and I still love clue!


shinejil said...

I know this sounds a bit odd, but I hope you share what wine you're drinking. Somehow, I bet you're drinking the good stuff, as well you should after all this shit.

Hell, bring a bottle with you the WTF appointment. Raise a farewell toast to your RE.

Carrie said...

I think you're right to have a plan. Unfortunately this whole deal requires a lot of waiting. I feel that having a plan, whilst you heal, means you are covering all areas.
Sometimes just having a next step makes today slightly easier to cope with.
It is still hard though, no matter what, drink wine and be good to yourself. I hope you have support IRL as well xx

Mrs.X said...

Aren't plans wonderful? It's so comforting to have that forward momentum, that place to be. I'm also glad that your sense of humor is hanging in there. How did you know about my cousin who had 12 IVFs after a hysterectomy and still got pregnant? Are you stalking me?

Drink up and look forward.

Lady Bits said...

I say forget the wine and find some gin. Lots of gin. Cheers!

I am so sorry to read your news.

Almamay said...

I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. Try your best to look after yourself at this sad time.

Jen said...

I always feel better with a plan in place. Even if its a down-the-road plan, it's a plan to look forward to.

All the best!

Super O said...

I wouldn't expect you to be anything but sad and pissed. I hope you can take all that energy and channel it for your next try. In the meanwhile, you are right about all the other things in life there are worth living for.